Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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