My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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