Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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