Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
