He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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