he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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