is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
