We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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