Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
