dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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