you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
