we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
