he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She told me I should be a condom model.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
