bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
