Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
