Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
