grandma shit on top of the toilet
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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