I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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