i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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