sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
