Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
