he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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