my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
