i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
