I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize