if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
