he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
