I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
