Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
