Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
