hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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