If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
