similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
