You just made me feel so damn special
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
