She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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