i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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