Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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