If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
