I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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