I can tuck mytits in my pants
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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