sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
