Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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