i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
