Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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