Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
