I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
