Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
