people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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