i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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