I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
