Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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