its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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