can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
