I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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