You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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