someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
they need to just BURY HIM!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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