i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
