so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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