i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
