these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
