apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
