I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
