i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
