DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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