I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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