I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
