If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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